HANDS WIDE OPEN

As a new mama, you have all these great ideas and desires for how to help bring your little one up in the world. I want this type of birth, I want to exclusively breastfeed, I want to exclusively cloth diaper, my child will NOT eat that, my baby is going to do this, etc. I had plans. I'm a teacher, it's what I do. One major thing little Lulie has taught me is that I have to keep my palms wide open.

Let me explain. When we formulate plans we hold on to them. Tightly. At least I did. I held on to the plan that my child will only breastfeed until she is 12 months old because I'm staying home and by golly, I'm doing it. I refused to take anything else. But after 2 months, we learned she wasn't gaining the weight she needed to. After seeking counsel from our doctor, her pediatrician, and a lactation consultant, we've concluded that our baby is a "lazy feeder". Breastfeeding until 12 months just wasn't in the cards. I had to pry each of my fingers back and let go of the plan to breastfeed, so that my baby could grow and develop the way she needs to. I needed to let go of my selfish desires of saving money and having this time to bond with Lulie. I needed to give my desires to the Lord and let him lead me in the direction he had for me. Is it hard? Absolutely. But is it worth it? You bet. 

As a mother I'm learning to live with my palms open. Meaning, to be at peace to let go and receive anything the Lord plans on giving or taking. When we have our palms open we are able to truly enjoy what the Lord places in our hands and give up things that he doesn't have for us in a particular season. 

Again, something I am still working through and definitely harder to live out. But just wanted to share a small snippet for anyone out there struggling to let go of something you desire so badly. Let your desires be known and then let go. I dare to believe there's something far greater to experience when we live with our hands wide open.